“Lucy woke out of the deepest sleep you can imagine, with the feeling that the voice she liked best in the world had been calling her name.”
CS Lewis in The Chronicles of Narnia
As Lucy's birthday drew closer, so many mixed emotions filled my heart. The dominant emotion was confusion. I am so excited that she is growing and learning and a ball of joy, but with each day that passes, she becomes more and more a little girl and less and less my baby.
When her brother was born, I realized just how much of a baby she no longer is. She's growing to be such a loving, intelligent, and observant girl. She dotes on her own babies and never meets a stranger. She loves to play with any kid on the playground but is a little reserved when the crowd grows large. She initially stands back to observe all the happenings, but will gladly join in once she feels safe and comfortable. She is excited over everything and loves living.
This sweet girl makes me want to be a better person. She makes me want to love Jesus better. She makes me want to be a better mommy. She makes me want to live life better.
My relationship with Jesus is the most important thing to me. I get it wrong a lot. I make mistakes. I don't behave or treat others right all the time, but that is the beauty of it. Jesus came for those of us that mess up and need help. As someone that is passionate for Jesus, I want my kiddos to see Jesus in me. I want to raise my kids to know this Jesus that wrecked my world and gives me the strength and courage to face everyday with hope and joy. No, I don't want to indoctrinate them. I want them to come to the realization of who Jesus is on their own. But, I do want to teach them truth. I want them to know how to seek God with all of their precious little hearts and to love their local and global neighbors as themselves. I want them to be able to live a big adventure with God.
And this momma carried that weight. I believed that as a momma- a stay at home working momma, nonetheless- it was all on me. It was all on me to teach my babies more than everything I know about God. If they don't turn out to be “such and such” then it is all my fault. I believed that I had to have a discipleship plan and that they should know the New Testament books by 3 and Old Testament books by 4. They should be able to recite the beatitudes by 6, and have seminary degrees by 10 (obviously I'm exaggerating, but not much!).
Guys, I put all this weight on myself thinking that I needed to have it all together! I don't. Most days I could do a cartwheel to know that we hit 5:30 and the house is still standing and everyone is in one piece. How beautiful that I don't have to have it all together. “Jesus is the ultimate discipler.”
“We think the discipleship is all on us. Jesus is the ultimate discipler. And realizing that He will step into all of our gaps, places that we didn't get it right, and write a story far better than we ever could. And to come alongside people and say, 'My kids are in this place, and I feel like all I got is prodigals.” And to encourage people, “The story is not over yet. Persevere. Endure. Don't give up. Keep showing up. Keeping loving. Keep sacrificing. And help carry each others' burdens. Keep doing that. The story is not over yet. The last word in God's story is never ashes, it is always abundance.”
Joy Vaskamp
What freedom we have been given to just be. Seek God, do our best, and He will fill in the gaps.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)
Grace. Grace. Yes. I boast of my weakness so that you know that it is Christ that overfills and creates abundance in my shortcomings.
